Procrastinating A Nap

Dear Future Me,

    Today is Sunday, and I write this from my grandmother's room (she's not here this week, staying with one of my uncles). Glimpse of Us by Joji plays once more; I don't know why I always listen to this when i'm in the feels haha. Ok I switched it to "Happier than Ever" by Billie the Goat Eillish (still a sad song). I am severely sleep deprived despite it being labor day weekend and having nothing to study. Idk why but I can't sleep in or nap anymore - I should just stop writing and take a nap.

    Much has happened these past few days. Oh yeah, the exam went well, but I tried not to tell anyone. A lot of people struggled, and I didn't want them to feel worst. Also, Daniel Huberman podcast recommended that by not over celebrating an achievement all at once, we can ride the high of accomplishment much longer. The PTP was suppose to be the light at the end of our tunnel, but uhhh it didn't go too well. My big gave me easy advice "never be the drunkest one" and what did I do ??? got fking wasted and threw up in front of my crush... I'M SUCHH ANNN IDIOTTTT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo hahaaahaa. But for real though, my med bros had my back the whole time and got me home. I'm lucky to have those loyal brothers - they even got me chicken fingers. Fk alcohol though we dont need that garbage (context: one guy was buying everyone shots and i couldnt hang LOL). Also, the other day we went to the range to shoot glocks but thats a story for another day.

Anyway, thats not what got me in the feels and maybe it's just fatigue. I know it's only been 3 weeks, but when I got home it felt different. Maybe cuz Ma (in Alaska) and GMa weren't home anymore. Also, the old past times didn't bring me joy like the olden days - netflix, league, etc. I mean I still gamed and watched movies to hangout with my lil siblings - had to carry as always haha jk, but I found myself more satisfied just doing house work or talking. (Am i becoming a boomer?!) Honestly, I think Im just tired. Farewell.


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