Secret Stash 225

I failed... it should have never really mattered but it did. I put in all that FUCKING work, but it was for naught. Focused on one leak in the ceiling. Ignored the other leaks and now the whole roof is about to crash down. You could say I that I will learn from this, that I enjoyed the stress and the grind... so DAMN CLOSE. In truth, it was a moral defeat. I gave up before the bell, I should of just went all in and maybe I would have gotten it done. Yea it might not have worked either way and everything  might have went to shit, but I would have went out fighting. Screw it. Keep moving forward. Pull my head out the sand... Put on a happy face. Give advice to the new youngins as my world crumbles. Why is it so quiet right now but I hear so much noise. Sitting here playing chess, stressed the fuck out and exhausted as a dawg. A mountain of work piled up, the pit gets deeper. The fuq am I saying!? I sacrificed one boat but I can still save the fleet. Fuck it, my boat sails under water...

A new season awaits us. An opportunity to be great. I need to attack the new year with a different approach. I have to be all in this time. We have to take it to another level. If you want to be great, you have to become OBSESSED with the mission. It has to CONSUME YOU! Working on and improving your craft should be the only thing you ever think about. The first thought that crosses your mind in the morning, the last thought you think about when you fall into your nightly slumbers. Every second of everyday should be committed to this one goal. Nothing else seems to matter anymore except achieving the next milestone in your mission. You forget to eat, drink, and sleep because none such things can satisfy your hunger to succeed. IT HAS TO BE YOUR EVERYTHING. When amidst your daily grind, time flies and you enter the flow. This is your happiness. Your hunger has to RADIATE from you. PURE FOCUS.

 it's happening again. I have fallen into a rut. The dopamine detox combined with the daily grind is draining me. Physically... mentally... my body is broken from the twice daily trainings and my focus shattered. The only thing that keeps me from unraveling is the spirit. I want to execute the plan but there is nothing left in the tank to keep me going. Why is it not enough? If my conscience knows what needs to be done and chooses it, then why is that not enough? Are the actions we choose merely a result of the hormones and chemicals that traverse within us? That cannot be true. Man controls his own destiny. He must will himself to victory. I must find a way or I will suffer it through. DO NOT BREAK