my greatest fear in this life...

Greetings Future me,

Another year has passed, and I need a reality check... (hey Google, play Afterdark)

My parents are getting older. Everyday that they still work is an INSULT to me and my progress. I should have retired them by now. In the generations of the past, people my age would have had houses and families by now. The FK do i have to show for my toil? NOTHING. No kids, no money, no extravagant gifts, I can't provide sht for them. WTH have I been DOING with my LIFE? F&#^$&#K

The last 2 weeks at home were memories that I will cherish forever. I don't take those moments for granted anymore - grateful for everything & family is everything. Yet, it was the first time I noticed the effects of time catching up to my parents. Once, I thought of them as invincible, but now, I see the wrinkles of time, the fatigue in their voices, the weariness in their eyes... that extra bounce of holiday energy... that enthusiasm of the younger days... gone. They have done so much for me, too much. The debt I owe them is insurmountable, and I will do everything in my power to repay them.

My greatest fear in this life is that mom and dad will never be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor... 

that i wont get the opportunity to give them the life that they deserve and SHOW THEM THAT THEIR SACRIFICE PAID OFF. THAT WE MADE IT!

the plan was -ten years from now, I would have mZiZllZiZons-, but I finally realize that this might be too late. a feeling of dread, impending doom. the shame and guilt that I feel right now cannot be described in words... The pain becomes anger, anger becomes DRIVE, AMBITION. STAY STRONG FOR ME. please. I'm on my way.

This year will be different. A boy becomes a man.


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